


Like You, Shattered

by SuzukiChiyeko



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hallucinations, Isolation, Loneliness, Mental Instability, Mystery, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-16 13:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14812376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuzukiChiyeko/pseuds/SuzukiChiyeko
Summary: "All his life, his evasive behavior was what made him live in loneliness, but this time it was the opposite of that. His need to have someone by his side was too strong."The mirror didn’t break from the force of his punch, but from the fragility of his heart.《Originally written in 2014》





	Like You, Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a one-shot I wrote when I was feeling a bit down. It was supposed to be a combination of angst and little bit of mystery. I don't think mystery is my strong suit, but I tried. This never got very popular back on FFN, but honestly I like this story... for some reason.

The room was empty, save for the worn out sofa and the mirror on the wall. Long candles managed to illuminate parts of the penthouse, but Akihiko could still see very little. The cold wind that entered the house through cracks in window and door frames made him shiver, and the thin blanket he had wrapped himself in barely retained the warmth of his body.

For someone born into a wealthy family, Akihiko was looking miserable. He never imagined that he’d suffer from the cold, but here he was. It was, however, not the result of financial problems; in Akihiko’s case, that simply wasn’t possible. The cause of it was a feeling that had been haunting him for his entire life…and that feeling was loneliness.

Since his childhood, Akihiko was used to living in his own world, keeping his distance from the people around him. With his family neglecting him like he didn’t matter, he had no one. Eventually, this caused the poor boy to retreat and make sure that no one could see his true feelings. For years, he believed that this approach would prevent him from getting hurt.

He couldn’t have been more wrong. The moment he met Hiroki, it became harder to shield himself. Even so, he kept trying, not taking off the mask he was wearing, and after a while he realized that it hurt Hiroki to know that he would never be accepted. Back then, Akihiko felt guilty for what he was doing, yet could simply not let go of the fear he felt. To be let down by someone he cared about would do even more damage on an emotional level. Then why, he wondered, was it so painful to see Hiroki walk away? Why was he so foolish to believe that a life without friends would be any better?

To err may be human, but some mistakes can be unforgivable. Even though Akihiko wasn’t sure what the cause was, he felt like the empty streets and the silence outside proved that he’d made a terrible mistake. It seemed as though everyone had disappeared or left and forgotten about him. Looking at the snow that came floating down, he heaved a long, loud sigh. An abandoned Tokyo was the last thing he’d expected to see.

Without moving from his spot, he glanced at the mirror on the other side of the room. Most of his belongings had been thrown out, because they no longer meant anything to him. They only brought back memories that he was trying to leave behind. When it became too much for him, he’d gotten rid of them without hesitation. Even his collection of Suzuki-sans was gone, as well as the toys once scattered around the penthouse.

The mirror had come into his life soon after that. Akihiko had bought it for a reason unknown to himself, as though a voice in his head kept telling him what to do. The mirror just hung there in its silver frame, specks of dust sticking to the smooth surface. It hadn’t been cleaned in a long time, much like the rest of the penthouse, and was rarely used by Akihiko.

For once, the novelist decided to take a good look at himself. He got up from his seat, clutching the blanket to prevent it from falling off his shoulders. The floor creaked softly beneath his feet as he approached the mirror in slow steps. The thin layer of dust didn’t hide his reflection, but he ran the blanket over the surface to clean it anyway. The candles provided just enough light for him to see his own face. It wasn’t a pretty sight; there were bags under his lifeless, lavender eyes and his skin looked paler than ever. Twenty years of age, yet looking twice as old, Akihiko concluded. Even though he never cared much for good looks, it worried him.

Staring blankly at his reflection, Akihiko raised his hand and placed it on the mirror, feeling the coldness against his palm. Through his long, uncombed bangs, he looked the mirror image in the eye, glaring intensely. He had absolutely no right to pity himself like this as it was all his fault. Seeing what he really looked like only made him realize how truly desperate he had become, thanks to his own stupidity.

Akihiko had lost focus, gazing into nothingness while the cold made his fingers go numb. Retracting his hand, he finally began to take note of this. He glanced at his hand, then back at the mirror, and saw something unbelievable. His reflection was starting to fade, as though it was disappearing.

‘What’s going on?’ he asked himself, staring with eyes full of disbelief, ‘Am I going insane?’

Trying to convince himself that it was just his imagination, he blinked before looking again, but it changed nothing. He could literally see through his mirror image, catching sight of the sofa behind him. The contours of his body became vague, almost invisible. Akihiko would’ve thought that he was looking at a ghost if he believed such creatures existed, but what was happening confused him to such an extent that even the most ridiculous explanation seemed plausible.

His reflection was barely visible anymore, looking like an illusion. Perhaps this was a sign that he had lost his mind, or that he was dying. Somehow, it made Akihiko sad to look at the mirror. He felt like a part of him was abandoning him, just like everyone else had. It had to be a nightmare of some sort, or so he hoped. However, deep down, he knew that it was all real.

Spinning around on his heels, Akihiko began to walk back to the couch when he suddenly heard a soft knock. Eyes shot to the mirror and widened upon the sight of a short person, presumably a child, clad in a dark brown cloak. One of their small hands was balled into a fist and a hood hid the face of whoever the intruder was, making Akihiko dangerously curious. He wasn’t fond of strangers, but after spending days in an empty city he was actually craving to talk to someone. As he made his way to the mirror, the other person lowered their hand, waiting in silence.

“Who are you?” Akihiko asked, his voice hoarse and low.

The intruder didn’t utter a single word or move a muscle. Not sure what else to do, the author pressed the palm of his right hand against the mirror once more, awaiting a reaction. He didn’t know if the other could hear him, so he tried communicating with motions.

His actions did very little, but the stranger looked up at him eventually. Akihiko watched in fascination as lustrous verdant eyes, round and filled with innocence, stared at him. They were the brightest, liveliest shade of green he’d ever seen, reminding him of the first days of spring, when the sun would melt the snow and cast its beautiful light on the grass. He felt a strange warmth envelop him and a smile tug at his lips.

There was no joy to be found in the eyes of the child. They gazed at the author’s large hand cautiously, hardly blinking. It made Akihiko wonder if this intruder had never seen another human before or if they were scared of him. Whatever it could be, he refused to give in so easily. Akihiko was determined to find out whether the person was an illusion created by his own mind or a living, breathing human being.

Much to his disappointment, the stranger didn’t cooperate. Hands kept away from the mirror and the child looked down, breaking eye contact. Shaking their head slowly, they took a step backwards. As they moved farther away, Akihiko noticed that they were starting to fade just like his reflection had. With pain flashing across his face, he watched the cloaked figure vanish into nothingness.

Once the stranger was completely gone, Akihiko’s body felt cold again, like the warmth was stolen from him. Up until then, he hadn’t realized that his blanket had fallen to the dust-covered floor. As he bent down to pick it up, countless thoughts filled his mind. The person he had seen was a child who appeared to be alone like him, perhaps even feeling the same loneliness he felt. Although there was no proof that the child really existed, Akihiko knew he had to find a way to see them again.

* * *

The cold of winter got harsher as the days passed by, lunging into the entire condominium mercilessly. Ice was building up on the window sills, touching the entirely frozen glass of the window. The beauty of nature's cruelty was anything but enchanting to Akihiko; he simply longed for it to be gone. Pacing back and forth in the living room, he did whatever he could to keep warm. Chewing on his blue bottom lip, fighting back shivers and cursing under his breath—none of it worked. Even the three blankets weren't nearly enough.

He gave up, feeling his feet burn from the endless sauntering. Having spared the mirror a myriad glances, he had yet to see the cloaked stranger show up again. Rather than treating them like an intruder, Akihiko considered them a visitor without a name. This 'visitor' appeared randomly, so it was hard to get in touch with them. Even so, the novelist looked at the mirror every day, searching for those bright green eyes. Usually, his own reflection was all he saw, but it would make room for the child every now and then.

The mysterious, temporary disappearance of his mirror image was still unexplainable. In the past weeks, scientifically impossible things had happened, and Akihiko couldn't wake up from the nightmare he was living. Rather, it seemed like a nightmare to him.

Closing his eyes, Akihiko rested his forehead against the mirror. When was this finally going to end? If everyone else was gone, why was he still there?

The feeling of skin seemed like a long-lost memory. The young author could barely even remember what it felt like, wishing that the child on the other side of the mirror would reach out and touch him somehow. He chuckled humorlessly, considering himself a fool. However, he soon became quiet as he noticed his reflection fade slowly.

Moving away, he watched the child appear like a spirit, slowly revealing its form. They were still wearing the cloak, but a few strands of brown hair protruded from the hood.

Akihiko didn't move from where he was standing at that point. As green eyes greeted him, he noticed that the child was wearing a faint smile on their face. It appeared that they weren't as scared of him as before. Even so, Akihiko waited patiently, wanting to see what the child would do. One wrong move might frighten his visitor and he didn't want them to leave.

The two of them gazed at one another, nailed to the floor and motionless like marble statues. Whether the person on the other side could speak or not was still not clear to Akihiko.

Above the child's head, characters started to appear one by one, as though someone was writing on the glass. The characters were white like the snow outside, glowing brightly in the dark room. Akihiko couldn't figure out what the writing said until he realized it was written in mirror image. Leaning closer, he began to study the sentence carefully.

" _Why do you never tell me what's on your mind?_ "

Recognizing those words, Akihiko felt his heart stop for a brief moment. More sentences appeared on the mirror, filling it like an empty piece of paper.

" _You always push me away like this! I want to be your friend and help you, but I can't do that if you don't talk to me. If you don't need me, just say so already!_ " 

The memories were fresh as the words stung, stabbing his heart like a knife. Hiroki had said all of those things to him while looking at him with wet eyes, on the verge of tears. Akihiko could see all of it, imagining the voice in which his friend had spoken before he walked away. Threatened to get overwhelmed by the feeling of regret and guilt, he gritted his teeth.

"Stop it," he hissed darkly, glaring at the child.

The young person looked back, their smile having disappeared from their face. They placed their hand against the mirror and the words began to vanish gradually. The innocent look in those big eyes irritated Akihiko. He was about to tear his eyes away from them when a single, short sentence appeared in the center.

" _Do you need me?_ "

All the anger in Akihiko's expression disappeared, his lips parting to let a gasp escape. His own breath fogged up the glass, yet it went unnoticed. That simple question made him experience such intense feelings, eliciting desires stronger than anything he'd ever felt.

Whoever the child was no longer mattered; Akihiko didn't care to know their name anymore. He didn't even question anything that was happening, like the words appearing on the mirror or the presence of someone who couldn't really be there. The only thing that he cared about was that he didn't want to be alone.

Frightened by the emotions coursing through him, Akihiko looked directly into the child's eyes. He was afraid of losing someone again, of seeing them walk away like Hiroki had, and just thinking about that crushed him. If he didn't reach out quickly, history would repeat itself, but he had no idea what he could do to have the child stay with him. He was in desperate need of hearing their voice, or any voice other than in his own for that matter.

It was unbearable; Akihiko couldn't keep living like that any longer.

His right hand balled into a fist as his eyes fluttered shut. Without even thinking it through, he raised his fist and smashed it into the mirror. The glass shattered, ripping into his skin. Ignoring the pain and the blood dripping down his fingers, he watched the tiny shards fall onto the floor.

Kneeling to the ground, Akihiko picked up one of the shards with his wounded hand. He looked at it, yet saw nothing except for his own reflection. The blood from his hand tainted the shard before he dropped it. By punching the mirror, he thought he'd destroy the barrier between them. In reality, all he did was create a gap too large to cross.

He realized that the mistake he made couldn't be corrected. All his life, his evasive behavior was what made him live in loneliness, but this time it was the opposite of that. His need to have someone by his side was too strong.

Despite the adrenaline racing through his body, Akihiko felt awfully cold. This was his chance to break free from the pathetic life he was living and he ruined it. By shattering the mirror, he'd shattered everything he had left. The child was no longer with him and he had the feeling that they weren't coming back. He spared the broken mirror one last glance, hoping to see the cloaked visitor, but it was all in vain.

He was alone again.


End file.
